A Girl’s Guide to Meeting Men on Craigslist

Craigslist is a candy store of sorts for a smart, motivated woman who knows how to use it. Whether you’re looking for sex, romance or true love, you can quickly and easily fill your email box with dozens of responses from men who want to meet you with a simple, well-expressed Craigslist post. The more sexually explicit your post, the more responses you’ll receive.

Here are some rules for finding a Craigslist date, whether for dinner and dancing, a casual sex connection or something in between. Spend some time reading the boards in your area for a while before plunging in with your own posts and responses, to learn the lingo and morés of Craigslist in your community.

THE BOARDS COMPARED
The Women Seeking Men and Men Seeking Women boards are for “straight dating,” where those who say they’re looking for dating, romance and long-term relationships (LTR’s) post and respond. These posts may resemble Match.com and similar “profiles,” or may be a simple as a one-line invitation for drinks or dinner. This is a good place to express something about your inner self, and to identify the kind of dating or long-term relationship you are looking for.

Casual Encounters is geared to those looking for a one-time sex connection, FWB’s (friends with benefits) or NSA (no strings attached) sex. Many more men than women post here and the posts can be quite blunt. While many of the same people post and respond on both boards, people tend to be more honest on Casual Encounters, both about their physical traits and needs and their expectations for sexual connection. Be prepared for some frank and graphic content here.

KNOW THE LINGO
Craigslist has many abbreviations and euphemisms, describing both the men themselves and what they’re looking for. You will soon learn the terms if you read lots of posts and learn to decode them. Or go to www.all-acronyms.com and type in FWB – Friends With Benefits. A list of other common Craigslist terms is at the bottom of the page.

USE A SEPARATE EMAIL ADDRESS
Set up a separate email account to post and respond to Craigslist posts, one that doesn’t include your real name, especially your last name. This will protect your privacy and anonymity until you’re ready to reveal it. Consider using a nickname or screen name that expresses your individuality.

ABOUT POSTING PICTURES
Many times posters will include pictures of themselves, especially on the Men Seeking Women board. In general, women are less likely to do so than men. Think about whether you’d want your family, your boss or your co-workers recognizing your post before you add a picture. Unlike Match.com and other dating sites, Craigslist is free and open to all without subscription, so your picture will be accessible to anyone reading the listings there. It’s a good idea to wait to send your picture until after you’ve opened an email discussion with someone and feel a level of comfort with him, rather than posting it for all to see.

WHEN TO SEND YOUR PICTURE
When you post, expect a man to send his picture first, preferably with his first response. If you respond to a post, you should do the same. This is your first approach to someone, and if it were in person, you’d be showing yourself visually. You can write back and forth some to make sure you’re looking for the same things, but the responder should be the one to first show his or her face.

Be prepared to receive sexually explicit photos, especially if you post on Casual Encounters. Men will send photos of their penises, of themselves or others engaged in sexual acts, and photos of the kind of woman he’s looking for. If this is more than you care to expose yourself to, stick to the Men Seeking Women board.

ABOUT PHONE NUMBERS
Be careful when giving out your phone number. If you don’t know a man well enough yet to know that he won’t bug you, don’t give out your number, and block it if you place a call to someone. Do you want him calling you anytime and anywhere? You may and you may not – just be thoughtful.

SAFETY
When you’re new to meeting people on Craigslist, insist on meeting a new connection in a public place the first time, say a coffee shop or bar. Until you learn to judge the safety and appeal of a man through email, this provides a level of safety. You may, over time, gain the confidence to invite a man directly into your home, or meet him in his, but don’t try this at the beginning. The concerns are obvious.

Not everyone is honest or knowledgeable about his or her history of sexually transmitted diseases and drug use. Be educated and truthful about yours, whether you’re “d/d-free” (drug and disease free) or have a history of herpes, HPV, HIV or other STD’s. Ask for the same of any potential sex partner.  Read more about staying safe on Craigslist here.

THINGS TO WATCH FOR
- Men who won’t send pictures. Online dating offers one major advantage over traditional blind dating: the opportunity to get a glimpse of the man you will meet before you meet him. Men will send pictures that disguise their identity. Insist on a clear picture of face and eyes before meeting someone. Eyes tell you a lot about a person.

- Poor grammar and punctuation. An intelligent responder will take the time to write in clear, complete sentences. Poor writing skills are generally an indication of a lack of intelligence or education and can be a real turn-off. You may have a particular aversion to certain words and phrases and Craigslist offers you an opportunity to learn and respect these. If he writes like an idiot, he probably is one.

- Cut-and-paste responses. These are obvious by their lack of specific references to your post, and probably indicate a man is “playing the lottery” by responding to multiple posts from many women, hoping for “a hit.” You may receive the same response from a man over and over again, as he plays the odds and tries to make contact with any woman. Because many more men than women use Craigslist, such an approach is understandable given the chances of a man making a real connection. But they can still be unappealing and indicate a lack of creativity.

BE HONEST AND POLITE
Craigslist offers you a real opportunity to be open and honest about what you’re looking for. Because no one knows who you are when you post, you are free to be as clear about your expectations as you can. If you’re attractive or slender or curvy or married or a smoker, say so. Be honest about your age, your race, your height and weight, the color and length of your hair, the color of your eyes. These are all things a man would immediately know if he met you in public, and will give him a chance to think about whether he’s initially interested. Later, you can also talk about your spiritual and political inclinations and the like if they are important to you.

If you’re looking for a real relationship, be clear about that. And if one-time or casual sex is your goal, say that, too. Because Craigslist is a place that’s become more and more a home for fakes and spammers, your honesty will shine through if you express yourself clearly and openly, in words and visuals. You can help keep the medium real by always being true and clear about who you are and what you want.

If you open a dialog with a man, finish it. Don’t just leave him hanging out there, even if you’re not interested. Imagine how you would feel sending out your picture after trading emails, and never heard back. The unresponsiveness of women on Craigslist is contributing to its sketchy reputation. If, after some communication from you, you decide you’re not interested, say good-bye to a man politely. “Sorry, but I feel this is not a match.” “Thanks for your interest, but I’ve taken my day in another direction.” “I think we’re looking for different things.” You will find your own ways of politely indicating your lack of interest.

ENJOY YOURSELF
Once you know what you’re doing, you can really have fun on Craigslist. Whether you use if for an occasional dalliance into something different, or as a regular source of new connections, the list is a powerful tool for the modern woman. Have fun out there.