My hip size, my waist size and my what???

I found this post last night on Men Seeking Women, and had to read it several times before it really sunk in.  This “grown man” (I should hope so) with a “loving spirit” claims he’s not looking for sex, but for a deeper physical connection through “touch.”  (When I have sex, there’s generally touching, but perhaps his experience has been different.)  He claims that sex isn’t his goal but that “growing to know someone’s gentleness” is, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Fully expecting to next read the requisite “it doesn’t matter what you look like but who you are on the inside” lines, I was stunned to read his (badly edited) list of required traits in a woman, up to and including a preferred BMI range.  WTF??  How many women keep track of their own body mass index?  And of those who do, how many does he imagine are cruising Craigslist looking for sacred touch? 

He goes on to let us know that he doesn’t drive (so what?), and invites women interested in his sexless touching proposal to send him their phone numbers.  Yeah, right.  I wish I could know whether this self-proclaimed “deeply mature” man finds anyone to play with from this astoundingly immature post. 

Loving Spirit, not interested in a f… (San Francisco)

---

Date: 2010-02-06, 6:31PM PST

---

 

Hi unique and special lady,

We are an over sexed under nourished society, which is very boring for me. I am a grown man, who has no interest in the market research driven, sex sells at ANY cost behavior that permeates our industrialized society. NO, I am interested in us nourishing each other. It is more appealing to me to learn of your gentleness, and I would like to achieve this through massage and other sacred touch. I don’t expect that you know a lot of massage, but if you do, great. Regardless, I do expect that you are gentle, pour caring in your touch. As for me, I will treat you with the reverence deserving of a goddess. I am truly looking to share my loving energy, for it needs to flourish in me and be shared with someone. Unfortunately, society does not honor such loving power. There is NO power that is stronger!

If this attracts you, than please be the following:
1. Be a real woman
2. Honest and caring
3. Very hygienic
4. You use a little herb and nothing else.
5. Height, not much of an issue
6. Age: 26 – 46 (age is really not the issue, maturity is.)
7. Body, somewhat firm to very firm (hips: 36”- 44”, waist: 25”- 35”, and BMI is 12 – 32%)
8. Your looking to create an emotionally safe environment for both of us
9. Ethnicity, we are all humans, and we are “ALL” brown. If you understand these truths, then we should talk.
10. Last, you are more curious or appreciative than complaining.

As for me:
I am 5’,11”, 175 pd., born in the 1970s, I don’t drive, skilled in some massage (currently learning Zen Shiatsu), well groomed, very hygienic, athletic build, deeply mature, and spiritual (caring and loving).

***If you are interested or have some questions, please do leave me your name and phone number, and I will give you a call. I look forward to our conversation.

All the very best to you

Black Bean Soup

Holding myself for so long

Imaginary bandage wound around my head

As warm chestnuts of hope fell from my pockets.

I kissed you, beneath a new moustache I didn’t know

Your lips so familiar, and yet unyielding beneath mine

Gone the searing and tender connection we held through the wind

Goodbye to the safety of entwined arms, of head to chest, of ears to soul, of music in the night

And to the ecstasy of handprints on sparkling glass, sliding to the floor

To clutching fingers between wooden slats and pastel wall

Rug bunched beneath my knees in the crumbs of the kitchen floor.

Strawberries and goulash and peach pie.

You were gone, cilantro and beer unable to mask the surety of your absence

In the fullness between us, the emptiness palpable.

I store this last from you in Tupperware

Left over.

A Slow Day on Craigslist

I searched in vain this morning for something interesting on the list to talk about.  Neither Men Seeking Women nor Casual Encounters offer up anything out of the ordinary today, just the usual suspects:  “You’re married and secretly here,” “Online Fun,” “NSA Fun,” “Looking.”

Snooze.  Maybe you’ll find something better later today.  I’m off to work…

A Rainy Night on Craigslist

It rained last night.  I don’t know why I should have been surprised, given how much we’ve had this winter, but it did.  My plans for a stroll through the Mission foiled, I opened a bottle of champagne left from New Years and a jar of brandied figs, and I opened my computer to the Friday night Craigslist crowd.

Mostly I found the usual suspects:  on Men Seeking Women were the married guys looking for something on the side, the boys from the Marina looking for young blondes to meet them at the bars, assorted lonely men looking for company on a Friday night.  Casual Encounters also looked typical.

Then I found this angry young man, and wasted the better part of an hour talking to him on email. He thinks his post is original in its honesty, when in fact it’s just sad.  This poor guy is so hateful, I encouraged him to seek professional help.  His return emails to me were equally angry.  He’s still under my skin this morning, although I won’t waste any more time talking to him.  While I hope everyone finds what they are looking for on CL, I hope this young man spends some time working on himself before inflicting himself on an innocent woman.

Hi Ladies, Can You Handle The Simple Truth? – 33

---

Date: 2010-01-28, 6:06PM PST

Reply To This Post

---

You always say in your ads that you’re looking for an honest man. Well, you’ve found one, but you probably won’t like what he has to say. I’m placing this ad because I’m looking to date someone regularly and have great sex, and that’s it. If we become a couple, fine but I don’t want to have any conversations about where our relationship is going. Who needs that grief. Hey, at least that’s honest. Why else would I do it? Think about it, single men are a lonely bunch and set in their ways. If they say otherwise, They Are Lying! We all want a woman who is not going to cause any disruption to our lives. Someone who likes us for who we are and not who we could be. I don’t live with my mother and have my own modest place. My car is not flashy but gets me where I need to go. I have a decent job which allows me to pay all my bills. I know right from wrong and I do my best to treat people with respect. I may not be perfect, but I know I’m far better then those who came before me.

Reading some of the ads, I’ve laughed out loud at stuff like “long walks in the park” or “I like to go hiking”. What a load of crap! Half the women I’ve met, after two blocks they’re complaining their feet hurt. (and for the record, I do give one fantastic foot massage) My favorite is “I like to go horseback riding.” That’s the one that cracks me up the most. First, where the hell do you find a horse in the city of San Francisco? Second, what makes you think it wants you on its back? And here’s another one for you ladies. Having an intelligent conversation? How does that work with someones damn cell phone going off every 5 minutes. All this does is put women on dates with jerks who will say anything and end up taking advantage of them.

The only reason men put up with your fantasies – and let’s be honest here – sex. Do you really think that keeping us from watching ESPN will make us happy when you drag us around town to do stuff we don’t want to do? I speak for at least 60% of the men out there when I say: 1. We hate shopping. 2. We do not want to hang out with your family or your silly friends. I don’t have time to do those boring things because I have a job and other responsibilities. I work 6 days a week, and after a long day at work the last thing I want to hear is, “Mark and Susan are coming over tonight.” I used to play that game – doing the shopping thing, having dinner with other boring couples, those ridiculous, so-called-romantic things you make us do just to see if we will do them, and then, just maybe, you might have sex with us. Wake up, ladies! It’s a different world! The fantasy man you imagined no longer exists in 2010. Kind, caring, sincere, loyal, etc men are few and far between. Most guys on-line are putting together a fantasy sport team, checking out porn sites, and wondering how to get laid.

In closing, let me stress that I love women – short, tall, average, skinny, athletic and even a little overweight. All races are welcome (Caucasian, Latino, Black, Asian and Native American) doesn’t matter to me. I want someone who is a Non-Smoker, Intelligent, Opinionated, Genuine and likes to kiss (among other things). Ladies, here’s the deal. If you’re looking for someone to try all those relationship tips you got from reading Cosmo, then I’m not the one for you. However, if you are a woman who likes laughing at goofy people as they walk by, making out in a darkened movie theater or wasting a day at an amusement park, lets talk. As for myself, I’m a SBM, 33, in shape, average build, shaved head, 5′ 9″ and 170lbs. I’m STD Free and you should be the same. I don’t workout, but I’m very active and play sports. I do cook, play video games and like to go dancing. You should know that I have a very erotic mind and being a Black Man I don’t do anything Vanilla. If we are together, then you will be my one sole focus. I can promise a long & fun ride.

Are you pissed off that you’ve wasted your time reading this? Well, at least you can’t deny it’s not original. I look forward to reading your responses, even those who feel the need to tell me off. I respond to all e-mails. We can chat if you like, or whatever. Thanks for listening to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

An Excerpt from Tomorrow’s Reading

Thanks to all who came to Good Vibrations in Berkeley last night for the Erotic Mistakes and Amorous Misadventures readings.  We will repeat the performance tomorrow, Tuesday, January 26, at the San Francisco Polk Street Good Vibrations (1620 Polk St., cross street Sacramento).

Here’s a taste of what I will be reading:

“Halfway into our second drink, it was clear we were going back to my place.  We put on some music, opened a couple of beers, took a hit or two, and then I straddled him for a taste.  His sweet and beery breath was a good match for mine, and he was a great kisser.  Under his T-shirt, I found the smooth, hard upper arm muscles I love.  His skin was as soft as a baby.  But the growing hardness in his jeans was decidedly adult.

“I led him to my bedroom and watched him undress.  I walked around him a couple of times as I took off my own clothes, running my hands over him.  “Are you sure you’re 38?  You’re in amazing shape.”

“That soft skin, muscled thighs and calves, tight round ass… and oh, my, the strangest shaped cock I’d ever met.  This one wasn’t just curled like a banana, it was bent.  I mean really bent, in the middle, almost like it had been broken and hadn’t healed properly.  Bent back towards his body, even fully erect.  He hadn’t lied when he said it was big; it was, but still I sensed some looming geometric problems…”

Hope to see you there.

Pushing My Own Boundaries – Again

Not sure I was in exactly the right frame of mind last night when I posted this.  Someone’s been on my mind, but I thought I was ready for something random to alleviate some pressure.

Tonight – w4m

I need to get fucked tonight, pure and simple. Slender, attractive 40+ woman looking for a good-looking guy, easy going, willing to go out in the rain. I have a nice place, a little beer, some good 420, great tunes and I’m horny as hell. Please be over 35, well hung and cut, not wearing any cologne. Clear face pics get my response.

Maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the lack of creativity of this post, but I only heard from a handful of people.  One was a first for me:  a tranny wrote, asking if I’d consider a girl who still had a functioning cock that stayed hard for hours.  Hmmmm.  I so enjoyed kissing a girl in the midst of my MMFF foursome back at my birthday.  Maybe this could be a cool experience – or better yet, a hot one. 

Jesse was quick, got to me within forty-five minutes of our connection on IM, freshly showered and looking very much like a girl in a short, tight T-shirt, puffy pants and striped socks.  We talked for a bit, mostly meaningless conversation, shared a beer, and I smoked some weed (she declined).  We tried kissing a little (I had to ask her to remove her slippery lipstick which I didn’t care for), but found we lacked any intensity.  She took off her shirt and showed me her new boobs, which she said she’d only had a few months.  I was fascinated but not turned on.  I asked about her cock and she offered to show it to me.  “Do you want to show me?” I asked her.

“I don’t care,” was her response.  I declined.  If she wasn’t really into it, neither was I. 

Jesse was not a guy.  I guess I just like guys, which I pretty much knew.  But it was worth a try.  Jesse, thanks.   

Meet Real Women on Craigslist Casual Encounters

I’m going to re-post this advice for guys, after a number of questions from men lately.

If you’re a guy who’s tried to make a connection with a woman on Craigslist Casual Encounters, you may be pretty frustrated. The site has become overrun with spammers who link you to paid websites, not to mention men posing as women and women who have no intention of ever meeting someone in the flesh. But some real women who really want to meet and fuck you are out there, as I can personally attest to. As a regular user of the list, who has met many men this way, here’s some advice for you if you really want to make a connection:

Learn to recognize the fake posts. If you’re serious about wanting to meet someone, spend some time reading the w4m posts. If you’re smart, you’ll soon figure out how to recognize those that aren’t going to get you anywhere. Obviously, posts with links to websites are fake – duh. Most posts from women in their 20s are probably fake, too – women that age don’t go on line to find sex. Posts that appear over and over again are also likely fake, as are those that list the location in a general way (“I’m from all of San Francisco”) or don’t list a specific neighborhood. You will waste some time responding to fake ones until you get the hang of it.

Play the numbers. Facts are that men outnumber women by about five to one on Craigslist, so your odds are pretty poor. The more women you respond to, the better chances you have of meeting someone. That doesn’t mean you should keep sending out the same response to dozens of women (see below). It means you need to apply some diligence here, and keep trying.

Don’t send a “cut-and-paste” response. A real woman doesn’t want the same boilerplate text you sent to others. And if she has posted before, she may very well recognize your repeated identical responses. I’ve posted a lot, and the guys who send me the same response over and over again earn automatic deletes from me. Tell me why you answered my particular post, why today, and what you’re hoping for from this particular encounter. If you’re just looking for Fuck 101 from any woman you can get your hands on, that’s gonna come through in a cut and paste response and turn me off.

Send a clear face picture with your first reply. This is key, guys. Women receive dozens – sometimes hundreds – of responses to their posts, and we need criteria for weeding through the deluge. Yes, it’s a little scary for some of you, but if you don’t send a clear face picture with your first response, you earn an automatic delete from me, and likely from others as well. And I’m not interested in seeing pictures of you with your last girlfriend – tacky. If you want to get laid you’re going to have to be bold and send out that picture.

Don’t send a picture of your junk. Unless a woman asks to see one, a penis picture is generally not appealing, especially without a clear face picture to go with it. And you run the risk of scaring off fuckable women with your tacky behavior. They may give up on Casual Encounters altogether if they get too many of those.

Write in full sentences, with capitalization, punctuation and good grammar. Nothing is less hot than a stupid guy, and poor writing is a huge turn off. Yes, it may take a bit more time to create a well-crafted response, but if you’re looking for results, this is important.

Don’t ask if a woman is “real.” If she is, and she’s interested, she’ll answer you, and it’ll be your job to figure out if she’s real. Sorry, guys, that’s the way it works. Women weed out lame responses; men figure out who’s real. Play or don’t play.

Be honest about your stats. No need to reveal everything about yourself right up front, but if a woman asks for or implies that some key information is important to her – height, weight, marital status, cock size – be honest. She’s gonna find out most of that if you meet in person anyway, and who wants to be sent away for being a liar?

If you try putting your own post up, be prepared to receive just a handful of responses, some of them from spammers and fakes. That’s how it works. Many more men than women post and respond on CL, so odds are you won’t get much of a response. That’s the breaks. But don’t give up. I can tell you from my experience that I answer smart, funny posts from men all the time, and meet lots of cool guys that way. The smarter your post is, the more likely you are to hear from real women.

Most important: If we all want CL to keep working for us, DON’T FLAG! Flagging is not going to stop the spammers and fakes, as we all know. And you run the risk of flagging down real women if you do so. CL is where everyone gets to bring their stuff, in the hopes of finding what they’re looking for – even the paid websites and fakers. If you don’t like a post, move on down the list. Yes, you’re frustrated. Yes, you’re disgusted. But flagging is counter to the concept of CL, and doesn’t change the nature of the board anyway.

Good luck out there – tell me about your successes and failures.

Craigslist Dating Advice From a Man

A guy has posted a pretty good set of Do’s and Don’ts on Men Seeking Women this morning. I include his post below, with some of my comments:

Do’s and Don’ts of Online/CL contact and first dates
Date: 2010-01-13, 10:35PM PST

Over the last few years I have experienced a number of online induced meetings and so I want to share some of the things I have learned and maybe help some less experienced along the way. Trust me, a lot of this came from hard won experience, and yes, I am still looking, and still having both good and bad (some horrible) online dating experiences.

The Do’s

• Write a clear and concise posting outlining what you want and maybe something about yourself. One, two, or even three liners are just stupid, and a waste of time. The same goes for replies to people’s posts, put in some effort.
Don’t forget that while super-short posts are indeed lame, overly long ones can be equally ineffective.

• When replying to someone’s post make sure you reference the post several times to let them know you actually read the damn thing.
Amen, brother.

• Include a clear picture of yourself, recent is best, and properly sized. For the love of all that is holy learn how to use that Photoshop LE that came with your piece of shit computer and size it properly. CL accepts up to 150kb files I think. Look it up.
No need to include the picture in your initial post, especially if you’re looking to preserve a modicum of privacy. But yes, send an appropriately sized, clear face picture with your initial response to someone’s post for sure.

• Spell check yourself for Christ’s sake already, or have someone proofread for you. Just at least act like you know *a lot* is two words or the difference between *your* and *you’re* for the sake of maybe getting a date.
Don’t forget the difference between discrete and discreet, peak and pique, their, there and they’re…

• Try to stay positive and optimistic. Confidence is attractive to everyone.
Especially unattractive are posts dissing the others using Craigslist, as in “I am better than all the usual losers here.” Hate that.

• Pick a public place, be on-time, and maybe even agree beforehand that it will only be a 30 minute, maybe an hour date so everyone knows where they stand.
The choice of location is particular to each couple, but yes, be on time, and keep the first date short unless things are going amazingly well.

• Be confident about who you are and what you want. Don’t expect them to guess that having kids is a deal breaker, or that you hate smokers, or that you will never have oral sex, just tell em upfront if you can.
This one can be tricky, especially if you have some particular sexual preferences that could be considered deal breakers in a relationship. I have spoiled more than one comfortable date by stating my preference for a large cock, sending some walking with their tails (or something) between their legs.

• If the first date goes past an hour or so and things are going great, one or the other will assume you are interested if you aren’t, state that as soon as you realize it. If there is no chemistry but you like them and enjoy their company as a friend-like human and are going to spend a lot of time with them they will assume you are into them as they are into you. This can get awkward. Simply saying “I don’t feel that chemistry thing going on but I think you are cool, ok if we hang out as friends for a while and get to know one another” will go a long way people.
Be honest and direct, for sure. (That reminds me, I owe someone an “I’m sorry, but I’m not really interested” email.

• Shower and wear something appropriate to that first date. Again, do I need to say this?!
Duh.

• Meet somewhat quickly after you both have emailed a few times. The sooner the better I say.
Agreed.

The Don’ts

• DON’T LIE about your age, your height, your weight, your anything. Seriously do you think you will get away with it?! The first date will prove you aren’t 6 feet tall or that your pictures were all 40 lbs ago. Even fudging a couple of years to stay within some arbitrary search parameters is dubious at best, and if you do this, fess up immediately when you first reply to some interested party. Otherwise why should anyone ever trust you at all?
Honesty is best, yes.

• DON’T BE LATE! If the person is a no-show on a first date, walk away after 20 minutes waiting MAX (unless they call of course). I don’t care how much you like their pictures, or their emails, if they can’t be on-time for that first date WTF?! And don’t rebook another date for the love of pete.
Agreed.

• DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX (or exes) or your mother for that matter in the emails or the first date. Not once, not ever! Seriously, just leave them out of everything. Unless of course you are trying to sabotage that first date, then spout away, open that spigot wide and go at it. I did that once and it was mildly hysterical.
I think this one matters more to guys than to women, but I’ll take his word for it.

• DON’T BLOCK OUT YOUR EYES in your photo. Truly are you retarded?
Thank you!

• DON’T send a picture with you and other people, especially exes! First it is confusing and second it is just lame to make people wonder what the fuck is going on when all they want is to see what you look like.
I love when I receive a picture of two or more men and am left to guess which one is the respondent.

• DON’T SEND MULTIPLE EMAILS if they haven’t written you back in a while. Chances are they don’t have a good feeling about you and relentlessly pursing them just makes them hit delete all the faster. Let it go. Rule of thumb: they send you and email, you reply, they reply to your reply, you reply to theirs…get the idea?
Good advice, for sure. Nothing worse than multiple emails from someone I don’t have the time or inclination to respond to the first time.

• DON’T FREAK THE FUCK OUT if they want to leave after about 30 minutes of a first date, even if you think it is going swimmingly, if they want to go, don’t grill them, just say “Nice to meet you, take care” and let them go. Really, who wants to force someone to stay in a situation they are uncomfortable in?
For sure.

• DON’T EVER SEND PICTURES OF YOUR JUNK, well, unless they ask you too in their post. Do I even need to say that?
Hmmm, some of you know me well enough to know my take on this one could be different. But I agree that this advice is probably best overall.

• DON’T COPY AND PASTE THE SAME REPLY TO MULTIPLE PEOPLE, this is just lazy and dumb. Might as well go to the copy center, make fliers, and put them on people’s cars.
You know how I feel about cut and paste responses.

• DON’T INCLUDE LINKS in that first email if it is at all possible. Why would anyone reply, let alone click through to some weird link?
I don’t want to go to your MySpace page, or your company website or hear your favorite new song. Not ’til I know you better.

• DON’T FUCKING PUNCH YOUR DATE. Never is this good, yes that means you, Miss Carrie Anne Moss look-alike, you were hot but you hitting me just made me run all the faster, you damn nutter you. Again, unless this is something you both agreed upon and want.
Ummm, ok.

• DON’T FLOOD THE RECIPIENT WITH PHOTOS, send them 2-3 at the most and let them ask for more. Better to leave them wanting as opposed to thinking you are insane. Or vain.
Agreed.

• DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN WEIRD SITUATIONS ON THE FIRST DATE, seriously, don’t go home with them, don’t drink heavily and make out in the bar, don’t be surprised when they sleep with you that first night and never call you ever again. Really, I just slept with someone a few weeks ago because she was all over me at the bar and I had zero respect for her, just considered her disposable the minute she got all floozy-like on me. Unless you are in Casual Encounters or something, but I am talking about dating here not hookups. Sex on the third date can be hot and will make for something worthwhile in establishing a relationship.
Interesting. Something for this floozy to consider :-)

• DON’T EXCHANGE EMAILS FOR OVER A WEEK’S TIME before meeting if at all possible. If you are getting along with emails suggest a phone call or a meeting after a few, and then meet up quickly. Better to manage expectations of a real person than of some fantasy your brain will create if you let it go too long in that email land. This one is KEY, meet them dammit.
Carpe diem.

I know I am forgetting some things but that covers a lot and should get you all started. If this is helpful at all go forth, date, have sex, get married, whatever.

If you think this is all a bunch of bullshit, good on ya, go forth and wreak havoc on people with your lying, offensive, psycho crap. See what I care.

Unsatisfying Cyber Sex

Last night I was hit by a stranger on IM around 10 pm, just as I was getting ready for bed. He had my IM address from a recent vacation, when I posted for chat from a busy airport while I waited for a flight (a common practice for me). He wanted me to watch him jerk off on cam. I agreed. I have enjoyed watching a man get off on cam, and can talk most guys through to orgasm in just a few minutes. I like typing IM messages to a guy as he strokes, feeding him hot conversation until he comes. So I agreed. He asked for my picture, but I declined, telling him I preferred to imagine him the way I liked him and encouraging him to do the same. I figured if I didn’t see his face, I could keep him attractive in my mind, no matter what he looked like.

Our conversation:

Roller: i need to see a pic of u
LD: To do this?
Roller: ya
LD: I don’t want to see your pic
LD: I want to picture you just the way I want you to look
Roller: I see
Roller: I love to stroke my cock and be watched
LD: you have a cam?
Roller: yeah
LD: do it – I like that, too
Roller: ok, hold a sec
LD: I will type/talk to you til you soil your keyboard

I waited a few minutes while he got himself and his camera situated.

LD: don’t show me your face, just your cock

LD: I’m clutching
LD: not sure I can do this
Roller: why
LD: you’re tyring to get off
LD: so I’m not going to tell you why
LD: I will wathc, but not type
LD: just show me
Roller: k

Problem was I hated his cock. Uncut, average sized, slender and curved to the left, I found it unappealing to watch. There was no way I was talking this guy through anything. As he tugged and rubbed, and through the herky-jerky images my old computer delivers when watching a webcam, I had a hard time continuing to watch. I switched back to an email I was drafting, returning briefly now and then to see how he was doing. At one point he left the frame, returning moments later with a jar of what looked like hand lotion – white and viscous, adding to the general ick of the presentation.

I found myself talking to myself as I watched. “Whatever.” “Hurry up, already.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

After I while he stopped and hit his keyboard again:

Roller: still there
LD: more or less, yes
LD: did you come and I missed it?
Roller: no
LD: k
Roller: do you want me to
LD: yes
Roller: how do I know if you are not a guy just watching me
LD: you don’t, I guess
LD: what difference would it make?
Roller: oh well

It took him probably ten minutes or so to finish up. He left the frame again, presumably to clean up, and I wished him a good night while he was gone, without telling him my reaction to the whole thing. No need to tell him that I found his penis unattractive, the white lotion nasty. I am generally pretty direct, but no need to potentially insult him. Just another confirmation that I prefer cut cocks. Good to know.  While I don’t usually get offat the keyboard, I do feel a certain satisfaction watching a man do so.  Not this time.

Craigslist Personals vs. Other Dating Sites

I had an argument with a guy I met on Casual Encounters the other day, over email. I told him of my hope to eventually find someone hot to have an ongoing, committed relationship with and he told me I would never find it on Craigslist. He said the CL is just a place for random hookups and casual relationships only – even on the Men Seeking Women and Women Seeking Men boards – and that no one there would ever consider a real relationship.

I have tried other dating sites, both free and paid, and can rarely even organize a meeting with the people I find there. Plenty of Fish, Nerve, okCupid, Match.com, eHarmony… all seem to be filled with people who send automated responses (flirts, winks, other goofy messages) or who just want to chat endlessly and never actually meet. The honesty level of the conversations there is low, and as soon as I grow direct about what I’m looking for, the men flake away. I have found CL to be the least flaky of the sites, in terms of the ability to organize an actual meet. Perhaps my kink level is too high for these sites. No one there apparently wants to hear that I like big cocks, that I don’t like cologne, that I have had a lot of sexual experience. For me, that honesty is critical to any relationship I might enter into, be it casual or otherwise, and I am looking for a man bold enough and confident enough (and hung well enough) to not be afraid of my direct approach. To me, it makes little sense to spend a lot of time getting to know each other, only to find sexual deal breakers later on.

I resolved to try some other approaches to finding a permanent partner in 2010. My job is such that I don’t meet many men through my work, so I will continue to explore my on-line options for connecting with people. Wish me luck, as I do you.