Casual Encounters w4m: Recognizing Fake Posts #2

September 16, 2009 by lizdoherty

Someone sent me this pretty craftily composed post from New Haven, CT.  I’m thinking some Yale student is making money on the side writing these for someone.  When he answered it, he received an immediate response from a bot, steering him to a website, presumably for paid sex.  I’m not sure I would have caught this one as fake either, except that she refers to herself as “having a great ass,” a phrase I ‘m betting most women don’t use about themselves.  (She might say perky ass, round ass, apple bottom, but not great ass.)

Looking for a discreet open minded fun guy – w4m – 33


I am a 33 yo housewife who is very attractive with long blond hair and have a fit petite slender body 5′3 with a great ass and 36C tits.My marriage sucks and I am stuck in it for at least a few more years.For now I would like to find discreet men to meet with for oral play only.Sorry I cant take pill and cant risk having another baby at my age.I do enjoy getting my pussy licked though and will suck you dry in return,I love the taste of cum.I might even swallow if you ask my nicely haha.You must be very clean and discreet and be ok with only oral sex and be open minded and understanding of my crappy situation.I would like to find someone to meet with a few times a week.Send me your stats and lets chat online to try and set up a discreet meeting.

Another clue this is fake might be that the author has left no spaces between sentences, a sign he or she may be working with a “phrase list,” pasting together sentences into a post.   Many fake posts smack of this sort of “cut and paste” approach.

Read more about recognizing fake posts here.  Learn to recognize the fakes, or just accept that you’ll waste some time writing to bots now and then.  I hope the girl or guy writing these in New Haven is being well paid.

For Adults Only

September 11, 2009 by lizdoherty

Am I the only one alarmed by this post?

No girls over 18 – m4w – 40
Date: 2009-09-11, 10:54AM PDT

I am looking for a girl who is no older than 18.

I have a serious fetish for younger chics, especially hot younger submissive chics. Email me with your picture if you are interested, and I will return one of my own.

Please do not flag, this is a real post, and I am dead serious.

Sex on Craigslist: Risky Business?

September 9, 2009 by lizdoherty

Life involves a certain amount of risk, and we take risks every day in our pursuits of fun and happiness.  We risk being hit by a bus every time we step out into the street.  We risk head trauma each time we climb on our bike.  We risk food poisoning each time we eat.  We risk alienating our friends when we are too honest.  And we risk having our hearts broken when we open up to another.

Many are afraid of some of the risks involved in meeting people on Craigslist for sex.  The unfortunate nature of the Casual Encounters board is that it can still be a sketchy place to meet people.  Lying abounds.  Scams and fake posts dominate some boards, especially the w4m one on Casual Encounters, where many posts are links to paid websites.  But just how risky is it?  And how far are you willing to go in the pursuit of hot sex?

These are some of the common fears people have about using the Casual Encounters board:

Fear of junk emails – Despite the Craigslist staff’s efforts to stem it, opportunistic scammers still make their way into the board, responding to posts and sometimes repeatedly harassing innocent users.  You may find yourself bombarded with annoying solicitations from women who are looking for money for sex, and these emails may be persistent and irritating.

Fear of wasting your time – You may find that you waste a lot of time talking with potential partners who aren’t actually interested in meeting.  You may fear meeting someone who has misrepresented him- or herself.  And you may worry about your own ability to curtail your perusal and use of the list, which can indeed be addicting.

Fear of having your picture spread around the internet – This is a fear expressed by many, although I have never heard of a case of this actually happening, and if it has, it’s been few and far between.

Fear of embarrassment – You may run into someone you know on Casual Encounters, be it someone you work with, know socially or otherwise.

Fear for your physical safety -  Especially for women, you may have worries that you might be hurt by a casual hook-up.  I have twice felt vaguely intimidated by people I’ve met on Casual Encounters, but confidence and common sense have protected me.

Fear of contracting an STD – Probably the biggest risk you face if you have casual sex, on Craigslist or otherwise, is the possibility of contracting an STD.  The fact is, no matter how carefully you try to vet your partners, you can’t know their whole STD history.  Many people don’t even know their own STD status, and a stranger’s assurances that he or she is  “d/d-free” are dubious at best.   Read more about protecting yourself from STDs here.

For some, the risks are worth it.  For others they are too much to handle, and Craigslist is a place for looking but not touching.  I prefer to accept the risks and use the board for pleasure and company.  The older I get, the more likely I am to take risks in everything I do, including seeking sex and relationships on the list.  These are risks worth taking for me.

Smitten

September 3, 2009 by lizdoherty

This sex addict finds herself smitten with a new man.  This could seriously mess with my sex life and I’d best be very careful.  What will happen to this sexy blog if I find myself in a loving relationship?  What will happen to my sex life?  I’ve never been in a caring relationship where edgy and kinky sex continue.  Things start to get mushy and gentle and – god forbid – loving.  Could I find the kind of aggressive, dom/sub sex I love within such a relationship?  Or is such play necessarily limited to strangers or near strangers, people unafraid of offending or alienating the other?

Much to think about this morning.

Laundry List Requirement #3: Tall

August 30, 2009 by lizdoherty

Why do I want a partner to be taller than me?   I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way.  This is an undeniable but limiting preference I share with many women that continues to baffle me.   I’m sure there are lots of great guys out there I would otherwise connect well with, but I usually can’t get past the height thing.

In high school and college I only dated men taller than me, and I thought it had something to do with how we looked together in the halls, to the rest of the kids and the world.  But that’s not it now, I don’t think.   Now I’ll meet a man I’m never probably going to walk on the street with and I still want him to be taller than me, preferably by more than just a couple of inches, if we’re going to be a good match.  Short men just don’t turn me on the same way.

One male friend – a pretty short man – theorizes that a woman wants a tall man because she feels safe with him.  I can remember laying my head against the chest of a very tall and strong man once, a man who was also very hot to me,  and feeling shockingly and notably safe there.  But in general this doesn’t quite ring true either.

In fact, in some ways it may be the very lack of safety of a big man that’s kind of a turn on.  A man who can pick me up and toss me around a bit is hot.  A man tall enough to hold my hands up over my head against the wall is hot.  A big and strong man who will show me what’s what and put me in my place when he has to is definitely hot.  That doesn’t really sound like a safety issue to me.

What does feel truer for me is more of a primal, procreative urge to mate with a strong specimen who will give me sturdy and healthy babies.   Even though I’ve had my children, the urge still remains.  The proverbial tall, dark and handsome man women hunger for may in fact be the one best able to pass on dominant genes to the next generation.

I dunno.  I like tall men.  I like tall, strong men with big cocks and big brains.   Go figure.

I’m Just Not That Into You

August 26, 2009 by lizdoherty

The question comes up:  how do you let a potential hook-up know that it’s not working for you?  That despite your agreement to get together for sex, now that you’ve met in person, the chemistry just isn’t there for you?

I try to be tactfully direct:   “I just don’t see it happening.”  “I’m not really feeling it.”  “It doesn’t really seem like we’re a match here.”  Assuming we’ve been honest with each other so far, it seems to me that continuing the honesty is the way to go.

If I’m pressed and I’m asked why, I will get specific, but that can feel too blunt.  Does he really want to know that his belly’s too big, his back too hairy, his teeth too yellow or crooked?  That he’s too short, too thick, smells wrong or is just too young or too old to appeal?  Would I want to hear the same things?

The guy I met yesterday didn’t do it for me.  He had answered my “Let’s Have Sex the Second Time We Meet” post.  At the end of a couple of hours at the beach, I was non-committal about meeting a second time, and he didn’t press.  If he had, I would have had to tell him that I wasn’t into it.  If pushed further, I would have said that he was too out of shape for me (a polite way of referring to the major gut he was sporting) and that his teeth were bad, for starters.  He had also chewed gum through most of the date, driving me nearly out of my mind (I hate gum).

I’m into the show Californication with David Duchovny.  Duchovny’s  Hank character is twice confronted in Season 1 by naked women asking him to evaluate their bodies, and to tell  them how they rate relative to other women.  I’ve thought a lot about whether I could do that:   ask a hot stranger how I compare to others.  But I’m not really sure I’d want to know the answer.  And so I wonder whether I should be specific about what doesn’t work for me, or just leave it at a generalization and end it.

What would you want to hear?

Casual Encounters: Sex on the First Date

August 23, 2009 by lizdoherty

Generally, when I set up a date on Casual Encounters, I pretty much always have sex with a guy the first time we meet if we’re into each other.  I post when I’m horny, can usually find someone within a couple of hours at most, and am pretty good at vetting people first.  I know what I like, have no trouble explaining it, and am generally pleased with my partners.  Casual Encounters works very well for me for this.

But you know if you’ve been reading here that I am looking for more:  for a smoking hot guy who wants more of a relationship than the occasional sex date.   I’m not sure how much of a relationship I’m ready for just now, but I know I want more than what I have now:  four occasional FWBs and the occasional new person here and there.

I’ve already received some really great replies to this post, which I put up on Saturday morning and which is still up there.  I had a long, hot IM chat last night with one guy who answered, and I hope to meet up with him soon.  I’ve opened a discussion with a couple of others, too, and am hopeful of the possibilities.

Let’s Have Sex the Second Time We Meet – w4m – 45 (San Fran)


Date: 2009-08-22, 8:57AM PDT



I like Casual Encounters for meeting people, because it’s more honest. People are up front about what they like sexually, and not afraid to act on those preferences. Communication is for the most part frank and open, and there is very little of the cagey posturing that goes on on Men Seeking Women, where men say what they think a woman wants to hear, not what they really want to say.

Let’s meet up, know that we’re going to have sex, but wait til the second date. Whaddaya think? I’m hoping to find someone who’ll be a long term fuck buddy at least, maybe more. I’m attractive to most, slim and fit, playful and open, educated and smart, classy and raunchy both, and horny most of the time. I’m not afraid to tell you what I like and how I like it, honestly, openly. Ask me.

And let’s flirt and play like we’re going to have sex that first night, then wait. If this approach makes sense to you, hit me back. And I’ll know if I get flagged here that I’ll have to go back to the other board and its bullshit about wine and sunsets. Please be over 40, smart and handsome, and yes, nicely hung – that matters a great deal to me and I’m not afraid to say it.

I even got a couple of compliments on this post, which always warms this writer’s heart.  I liked this one especially:

Thanks for an insightful, literate, open, honest ad.
It makes me want to have sex with you the first time I meet you.
Whoever you end up meeting is a lucky dog.
Woof!


Favorite Craigslist MSW Post Titles of the Morning

August 21, 2009 by lizdoherty

A catchy title encourages people to open your post and read. I’m just enjoying my coffee this morning and perusing the last 24 hours of Men Seeking Women in the Bay Area. Some of my favorite post titles:

Do You Have Borderline Personality Disorder? – there’s an interesting fetish

Italian Pharoah massage GOD – and he almost spelled pharaoh right

I poked the hole out of your donut – what?

I am short and have no money – wonder if walks on the beach in the sunset

I’m different, I do ask for directions – and considers this a good thing?

A tush, a bush and a brain – extra credit for rhyming

Looking for a FAT UGLY WOMAN – who’d answer that?

STRAPPING FIREMAN with a BIG HOSE – trite but appealing nonetheless

as if it’s contagious – what?

and a real favorite, from a couple of days ago, one I answered:

Toxic Bachelor Seeks Nagging Harridan for a Lifetime of Hell.

My Night Stand Essentials

August 20, 2009 by lizdoherty

If you have sex regularly with new partners, or if you are an avid masturbator, you should keep some essential items in your nightstand.  I don’t have a drawer in my bedside table, so I use a pretty purple basket.  Here’s what’s in it.

Condoms: I have condoms in several sizes, the smaller ones mostly left behind by visitors, and the supply of Magnums I buy.  Because my preference is for well-hung partners, the Magnums are the ones I need most often.

Lube: I have several kinds of lube, but my favorite is the Astroglide gel in the purple tube.  Regular Astroglide is too viscous and messy for my taste.  I do have a small bottle of a silicone lube I got at Good Vibrations that I haven’t tried yet.

Vibrators: I have several in different shapes and sizes.  A good basic cylinder vibe is a must for general use.  You may also choose a slimmer one for anal penetration.  You can also venture into many more exotic vibes, depending on your needs and preferences.

Clothespins/Clamps: If you like intense nipple stimulation, get a nice toy for this purpose.  I prefer simple clothespins for nipple pinching, but there are nipple clamps made specifically for this purpose if you prefer .  I’ve yet to use my clothespinse on anyone else, not yet having found a partner who expressed an interest, but never say never.

Dildos: I told you the other day about the giant, realistic dildo a fuck buddy brought me last week.   This new toy is great fun, both alone and with a partner, but alas, doesn’t fit in my purple basket.  I’ve found a better place to keep it, although not in easy reach of the bed.  I don’t recommend one this big unless you truly are size queen as I am.  It’s pretty intense.

That’s what I keep handy.  What’s in your nightstand?  I’d love to hear about new toys and supplies to add to my very basic collection.  Tell me what you have and how you like to use it.

Hungover – and a story for you

August 19, 2009 by lizdoherty

I had a great time last night at Amnesia in the mission. I read this story at the open mic and then stayed for karaoke and was drunk enough to attempt Janis Joplin. Sure hope no one recorded it.

Here’s what I read.


Do Provocative Clothes Make a Woman Hot? (casual encounters)
The streets of SF are dripping w/ sultry, sexy women. High heels, short skirts, tank tops, push-up bras, and the promise of more lingerie hiding under silky fabrics.


My question is this: just because a woman actively or even aggressively shows her sexuality on the street, does this mean she’s actually hot in bed? When you get them home, do these women deliver on the promises of their clothes and fuck-me heels? In other words, are the ones who LOOK hot the ones that ARE hot when you get them out of their seductive trappings?

I’d been with a guy a few days before, and we were having a great time. During a break in the action, he said something like, “You’re not hot, but you are really nasty and fun and this is the best sex I’ve had in years.” I’m not hot? If this wasn’t hot, what was?

Coming from the land of snow and mud, where a fashion statement was a pair of insulated boots in a color to match your parka, I was unaccustomed to observing women in city garb. And having located this near-insatiable heat in myself, I wondered which of the other women on the street felt as I did. Could men see through my no-nonsense clothes to my willingness beneath?

MJ answered this post a couple of hours later, with a, “Hell no, most of them are too concerned with messing up their hair, makeup or nails.” He included a zoomed-out picture of himself and his motorcycle buddies. I hit him back with a picture and a bit about me, and he told me he was close to my age, a writer with a day job. He assured me he preferred a no-nonsense woman without the “hair neurosis,” who wasn’t afraid to don a helmet and strap her hands across his engine.

We were on the verge of making a date to meet when he broke the news about his own hair: he said that some people were turned off by his long, curly, red ponytail. There had been no sign of a ponytail in the picture he’d sent, and I had to stop and think for a minute. Did I care? I asked for a picture of it.

Well, it was pretty striking. At least halfway down the back of his leather motorcycle jacket, kinky and very, very red. A few more feet of it and it and Rapunzel could have used it to make her escape easily, using the kinks for extra grip. I was taken aback.

I emailed him back that I was indeed surprised to find myself a bit freaked, and offered him the option to dismiss me as a “shallow, time-wasting internet bitch.” He replied that he’d always wanted to fuck a shallow time-wasting internet bitch, and that he’d see me on Sunday. Well, then.

We’d agreed to meet at the Lone Palm, six blocks from my house, my equivalent of playing hard to get. When you meet someone at a bar a block from your place, you’re pretty much saying you’ve agreed to fuck him before you meet him. Six blocks seemed at least a bit more coy.

We had a good time at the bar. He was very funny, sarcastic and bordering on rude, but I was enjoying myself. Halfway into my second beer – the point where I’ve generally decided or not whether I’m going to fuck a guy – I leaned close to him and said, “Kiss me.”

“If you give me a dollar,” he snapped back. I grabbed a dollar off the bar and collected a very hot kiss from the guy. It was time to go to my place, for sure.

The sex was great. I was vaguely distracted several times when he would fling that ponytail out the way, but I found if I just held on to the thing, I could keep it from interrupting the flow, as it were, and used the control to regulate the depth of his kisses.

A couple of weeks later, he came to the city again, and we met for dinner at Cha-Ya, the Japanese vegetarian restaurant. As I approached, I saw a guy in what looked like a red coonskin cap entering the place, and realized with a start that it was MJ. The matted – almost felted – hair that topped the unlikely ponytail did indeed look like a hat from afar, and not a flattering one. He was already seated by the time I made it that last block, and didn’t get up to greet me.
He claimed to enjoy his tofu pudding, a nasty, gelatinous block of boiled veggies embedded in tofu. It reminded me of something my mother used to make called “Mildred’s Pink Salad,” a Jell-O, cottage cheese and diced vegetable affair my sibs and I used to slip under the table to the dog.

Tonight conversation was slow. I was aware of saying some inane things I can’t remember now, to try to keep things moving. After dinner, he said he wanted coffee. I said I had coffee, milk and sugar at home. “You’ve really got it all, don’t you?”

“Apparently,” I said, in a flirty, girlie voice I barely recognized. We headed toward my apartment, but he ducked into Muddy’s at 24th and Valencia before we got there, and ordered himself a large cup. We sat out front and shared more halting, banal chatter, and when I thought he had to be nearly finished his caffeine intake, I gestured in the direction of my apartment. “Shall we?”

“No, I don’t think so.” This said with the same smirk he’d worn most of the evening. “I just don’t see it happening.”

“See what happening?”

“Us.”
He said I wasn’t the woman he was looking for, that he didn’t see us having a life together. I told him that while I was indeed looking for someone to have a life with, I wasn’t looking for it in every moment, and certainly not in that one. I was just looking to get laid, and I’d sat through the mushy tofu shit and the halting conversation and was ready to overlook the ridiculous ponytail and the mat of uncombed hair that held it in place, in exchange for a good go-round. I didn’t say all of that, but I was thinking it. He stood and aimed himself at the BART station, not my apartment.

“See ya.”

It was a funny feeling walking that last block, a block I hadn’t expected to be walking alone. I was sort of relieved, and sort of embarrassed, and sort of stung. And of course still more than sort of horny. Damn.